Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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