Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
