i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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