I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
