I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
