May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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