Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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