Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
