it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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