I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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