No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
