I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
