i already hear my dad disowning me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
