Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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