i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
