Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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