the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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