They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
