bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
