I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
