It's like God shit irony all over that family
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
