I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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