His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
