Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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