how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
