Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
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What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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