Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My penis needs a shock collar
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
