the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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