i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
