Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
