How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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