and you said cock pushups were impossible
farters have to be the big spoon...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
