No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
