Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I got chris browned last night
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
