just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
