ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
