Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
farters have to be the big spoon...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
