remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
