Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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