kristin has been a bad kristin
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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