Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I don't think brook has ever known best
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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