I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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