He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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