you guys were way drunker than both of me
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
