i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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