When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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