its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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