Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize