Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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