perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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