What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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