They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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