You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
