Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
