Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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