She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
