sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
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Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
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I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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