I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
