I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
