Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
