Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
