we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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