His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
