he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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