I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
so much tequila, so little girl.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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