dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize