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it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
